I'm tired. In life, of life. I'm tired. In bed, of all the sadness. Your coming back late pinches my heart, but I kill the demons that crowd my mind square. They kill my trust and faith. It's a war waged since the beginning of times. Clashes stronger than Titanic and Pearl Harbor combined. I owe you love, love. I owe this world a little sympathy, a little emotion, a little ignorance, a little forgiveness. And now, I owe it all to you. I hope to my deepest Devils, to buy whatever remains of my soul, so that frown may never reside on that face again, but I hope that life shows you all its colors. I hope to my darkest of energies to invite more of their kind to anal fuck my mind, for you can't be betrayed anymore, and for that, I hope I can sacrifice my long-lost peace forever. You're brave, naive, and smart. Idk love I don't want to pray for you. God has his way of keeping balances. The devil just buys my soul and leaves me alone with my wishes. I'm not sure if I deserve you yet or I ever will, but you deserve me, the best of me. I hope I can show you how beautiful this world is and when you finally see it, I hope you forget all the ugliness that it has forced on you and I hope you climb out of that pool of thoughts that are constantly flooding the back of your mind with doubts and the urge to control so maybe this time it doesn't slip out of your hand. And I hope you find peace from resisting those precautionary forces in your head because somehow love, you're still taking that stance to dive in with all your might. I hope it doesn't tear you apart in two. you're still roaming the garden that I've nurtured for years. My garden. But I hope I didn't leave any weed uncut when you entered. Don't worry love, remove your shoes, I know you don't like them. Walk barefoot. This is my garden, it's not the world. It doesn't throw random thorns at your feet. It's ironic how many times I've used "I" in this write-up about you. Guess weeds never clear out. You. You. You should look at yourself to see beyond the beauty of those eyes and face, and listen beyond the voice of those notes you hit so perfectly. You will find some solace and some noise. I'll die in this bed tonight with my pillow by my side like this is all I ever needed if you can be at peace forever. I worry if these are all just empty words and if I'm still not in love and I'll wake up tomorrow wanting you to leave. I'm a bed to you, love. The coziest of all. One You wouldn't wanna get up from. One you want to come back home to every day. Idk what the purpose of my life is. I'm a lover, you say. Idk how to love. I just keep hoping for a magical wave that will send all your worries away. And so when you look in my eyes, you find that rude blackness that doesn't reflect anything. Just a silhouette of your life. And so when you see it, you think of yourself as one and whole. And you hold yourself closer. I don't even know anymore. I'm done. Night, love. My heart cries for you. My body chills for you. And my mind craves you. The day and night. And I hope that's enough cause I've never been so immersed ever before. You've occupied me. And this writeup? It's just maintenance. I'm blue for nothing but your smile. It still feels like a relief from all the pain that does not exist.
I closed my eyes, and the devil surrounded me from all sides at once. Humungous in size. Ripped my wings off. I asked him for your smile. He walked away throwing me to the ground like I'm trash while I bled. He walked to the cliff, his back, filled with thousands of Such wings, and he still couldn't fly. I laughed at him. And then we blazed a joint. For we belong to the same kind. The self-loathing bastards who think they still deserve love.
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